Wives and Fishing

hammerdoc · Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 5:50 pm Post subject: Wives and Fishing

(Man to fishing buddies: )

Well, Y'all know I love to fish.

My wife told me just yesterday
that if I get up and went fishing
today that she'd pack up and be
gone forever when I got back.

Lord, I'll miss her!

hammerdoc · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 11:24 pm Post subject: Promises

Four married guys go fishing.

After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."

hammerdoc · Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: Is She, or Isn't She?

A Fish Story:

One Saturday morning I got up early, put on my jeans and old fishing shirt, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour. There was hail mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'

I still don't know if she was joking.

hammerdoc · Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:04 pm Post subject: One Step Ahead of Him

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?”

“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”

“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”

“Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.”

“But why?”

“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight.”

hammerdoc · Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:11 pm Post subject:

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.

The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, we WERE married for 40 years . . . "

hammerdoc · Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 4:55 pm Post subject: Teach a Man to Fish

MAN'S VERSION:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

WOMENS VERSION:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish - and you've got the whole weekend to yourself.

hammerdoc · Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:30 pm Post subject: Suspicious Spouse

A man took weekend fishing trips twice a month. His wife got used to them, and was sure to have all of his things packed when he came home after work on Friday.

After some months of the same routine, she became concerned as to whether or not he actually was going fishing, but without any proof she wasn't going to confront him.

One Sunday evening after returning from his "fishing" weekend, he confronted his wife. "All I ask from you is that you have my things ready when I get home from work. And this weekend, you forgot to pack me any clean underwear. Do you have any idea how I feel wearing the same underwear for 3 days?"

The wife defended herself, "I didn't forget to pack your clean underwear."

He snapped back, "Well, I didn't have any when I got to the lake! Where'd you pack them? They weren't in my suitcase."

"No," she replied, "this time I packed them in your tackle box."

hammerdoc

#20 - No matter how much whiskey you've had, you can still Fish.

#19 - A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.

#18 - You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.

#17 - It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

#16 - The Ten Commandments don't say anything against Fishing.

#15 - If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

#14 - Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you Fished with long ago.

#13 - It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

#12 - When you see a really good Fishing person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

#11 - If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

#10 - Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

#9 - When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

#8 - You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

#7 - You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment

#6 - There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 - If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 - Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

#3 - Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

#2 - You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 - Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week - Is Fishing all You ever think about!"

hammerdoc · Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject: Divorce Court

Two guys from Daniels County are quietly sitting in a fishing boat sucking down beer when suddenly Mel says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

hammerdoc

+ When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good
- If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

+ Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither.
- And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

+ In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
- In loving you lie about the one you caught.

+ You can catch and release a fish. You don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

+ You don't necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.

+ You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
- If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

+ Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

hammerdoc · Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: Ice Fishing

Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?

By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

hammerdoc · Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:05 pm Post subject: Getting Away With It*

The manager of a small business and his secretary decided to go over to her place for some "gymnastics". Afterwards, they both fall asleep

When the manager wakes up and looks at his watch, he discovers that it is after 8 o'clock in the evening.

He jumps up in a panic wondering what he's going to say to his wife. He tells the secretary to quickly take his shoes out into the yard and rub them around in the grass. Then he finishes dressing and goes home.

When the man opens the door to the house, his wife is standing in the doorway fuming and asks him where the hell he's been until 8:30 in the evening?

The man calmly replies that he and his secretary are having an affair and that they had fallen asleep after going to her place this afternoon.

His wife looked at him very carefully and when she saw the state of his shoes, she exclaimed: "You liar--you've been FISHING!"

*The submitter of this joke in NO way endorses either extra-marital affairs OR this or any other method of attempting to get away with it.

hammerdoc · Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:09 pm Post subject: When She Does Go

Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"

"That bad, huh"

"She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!"

mlsims · Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:01 pm Post subject:

Great Jokes. Some I have heard, but some are new to me. Keep up the great posting.