Religious (Respectful jokes ONLY please!)

hammerdoc

I do ask that we only include jokes that do NOT insult or put down anybody's religion.

hammerdoc · Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 12:20 am Post subject: Sunday School

One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.

To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

hammerdoc · Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 11:22 am Post subject: TOO much good luck

A preacher was having a bit of spring fever. Unfortunately, the weather had been bad for weeks, and he hadn't had a chance to get out all spring.

Sunday dawned bright and beautiful. Yielding to temptation, he called in sick to his senior pastor, grabbed his rod&reel and headed out to the local stream.

He hadn't been fishing 5 minutes when he locked into a big bream with a huge splash. He fights it in to find a beautiful, fat, personal-record bluegill!

20 minutes later, he lands a STATE RECORD crappie!

He continues on, and 10 minutes later he locks onto a large bass. After a 7 minute fight filled with beautiful jumps and tailwalks, he lands a WORLD RECORD largemouth bass.

St. Peter looks down from the pearly gates and sees what's going on. Excitedly, he gets on the red phone and calls up the Lord.

"Lord!" Peter exclaims. "What's going on!?! I know he's normally a good servant, but he LIED and he skipped services! WHY are you letting him have such a great day on the water like that!?!"

"Peter, Peter!" Soothes our Lord, "I'm not rewarding him."

"You're not?" St Peter asked, a bit confused.

"Of course not! Think about it, Peter--WHO's he gonna tell?!!"

hammerdoc · Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:16 pm Post subject: Biblical

A Reading from 2nd Proverbs*:

Give a man a fish and he shall eat unto a day.

Teach a man to fish and he shall sit in a boat all weekend, drink beer and tell lies when he returneth.

*NOT a real book of the Bible--this is a JOKE. (lol)

hammerdoc · Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 5:47 pm Post subject: The Wrong Bait

David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.

The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."

David thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.

The next day, David returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse me," asked David, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"

"Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix."

"Hmm," thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try.

On the third day, David still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right. David wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"

"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man.

"NEVERMIND!!!" screamed David.

hammerdoc · Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:07 pm Post subject: Caught Anyway . . .

"I didn't see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead."

"That's not true, vicar. And I've got the fish to prove it!"